the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize