My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
