i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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