someone threw a dead crab at me
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
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