***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
