Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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