i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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