okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
