We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize
