I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize