i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
