The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
