Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
