you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
