She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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