maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?