so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist