From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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