come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.