I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
