oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
