she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
