whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
