if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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