apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
