I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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