dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
