Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
