I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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