I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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