That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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