Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
