My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
