she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
