I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
