I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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