See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
