If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
