I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
im drinking this country out of the recession.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
