Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
