Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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