mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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