Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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