How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
