Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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