I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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