there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
