I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
