Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
