And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
