I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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