Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
This house was built for laser tag.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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