if i can run in heels then i can drive
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
