Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
farters have to be the big spoon...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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