I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
