saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
