I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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