My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
