Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
