I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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