Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
