Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I think my moral compass just broke
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
