How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
