bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
