i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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