so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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