remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize