so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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