its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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