Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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