there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
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