I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
