she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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