Got a toothbrush?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
