i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
