I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
