Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
