You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
