He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Hippo gnu deer
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
