Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
