so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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