I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
