Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
