never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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