I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
