So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
