stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
