This is not my ceiling
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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