i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
