Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
