someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
