Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
