He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
